


How I got to be

by WritersBlock_Liz



Series: Penny Parker 2020 [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Awesome Pepper Potts, Female Peter Parker, First Time, Insecurity, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritersBlock_Liz/pseuds/WritersBlock_Liz
Summary: It’s a hickey. That's really all it is. And all that is to it. And yet it’s not. Penny ponders a new beginning in her life and questions her decisions leading up to this moment. Pepper is there to help.Minor talk about having sex for the first time but nothing explicit.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Pepper Potts
Series: Penny Parker 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900864
Comments: 6
Kudos: 96





	How I got to be

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a bit shorter than the others but in my opinion deals with an important issue. And I hope you can relate. Also, the next story will get more action and more IronDad.   
> Thanks as always to everyone reading, this has been a blast so far and thank you for the prompts and suggestions. Keep them coming and I’ll try to do as many as I can.

### Story Seven - How I got to be

Penny couldn’t stop looking at the nun who sat a few rows ahead of her.   
There was nothing particularly strange or special about the nun.   
She was maybe mind forties, wore the usual black robes with the white head-scarf and a rosary around her neck. By her feet stood a big leather travelling bag and she was reading a crime thriller.   
She had looked up when Penny had entered the bus and smiled at her briefly before returning to her book.   
Since then she hadn’t looked up or said anything to anyone.   
And yet her presence felt like a dumb joke by the universe.   
The bus stopped once more and three boys, a bit older than her maybe, got on.   
Subconsciously she tried to straighten out her dress, make sure it looked proper and not like it had spent the entire last night in a pile on the floor.   
She hoped the make-up she had applied wasn’t smeared or anything and that her brushed hair looked neat.  
That nothing made it look like she had spent the night anywhere but home. Hoped that nobody would be able to tell.   
She reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. Almost ten thirty. She was late.   
Her phone started vibrating and the word ‘The Godfather’ together with a picture of Tony appeared.   
Speak of the devil.   
She considered not answering, pretending like she had missed his call.   
But she knew there was no point.   
So she accepted the call.   
“Hey Tony.”  
She forced herself to sound bright and cheerful.   
_“Hey yourself. Where are you? The food is getting cold and everybody is kinda hungry. Are you close by? I can send Happy out to get you.”_ Tony greeted her.   
In the background she could hear the murmur of many voices and the rattling of pots and pans.   
She checked the electronic display above the driver's head.   
“Still twenty minutes out. But there is no point in sending Happy, I’ll be there before he gets to me. Start without me.”  
 _“Are you sure? I can hold them off for twenty minutes!”_  
She almost laughed. “I’m sure. It’s my fault I overslept. I’ll be there soon. Safe some pancakes for me, they are always the first thing gone.”   
He chuckled. _“Okay, I will. But only if it's okay with you. We can wait. They are all grown adults. Or maybe we could make an experiment out of it. You know, the one you do with kids, where you give them candy, tell them not to eat it while you’re gone because if they don’t, they’ll get another one. What's that called again?”_  
Penny frowned. “The Stanford Marshmallow test? The one I did with Morgan? The one that showed that she got your amount of impulse control? And by that I mean zero?”   
_“That's the one.”_  
“No, that's not a fair thing to do when they are hungry. Just start already. I’m as good as there.”   
_“Okay kiddo, if you say so. I’ll see you in twenty minutes then.”_  
He was about to hang up.   
“One thing Tony: Is... Is Pepper there?”   
It took him a second to answer.   
_“Pepper? Of course, Pepper is here. Why?”_  
“Nothing. I just...I just need to ask her something later.” she evaded, biting her lip.   
_“Okayyyy…”_ he said slowly.   
“See you soon Tony. Bye.” she hung up before he could say anything else and turned her phone off.   
Her gaze fell on her reflection in the phone's dark screen and she froze.   
Quickly she turned it back on and opened her front facing camera.   
“Shit.”  
There, clear as day on the soft skin below her jaw on her neck was a deep purple bruise. And another one a bit deeper down.   
Shit. How had she not noticed then this morning while she had been getting ready?  
 _Because you were in a rush to get out of there because it was hella awkward_ , supplied a small unwanted voice in the back of her mind.   
She had no makeup, only an almost empty concealer and nothing else on her.   
But she had band-aids…  
She wasn’t sure what would look more obvious, some hastily applied makeup that probably wouldn’t cover the dark colour. Or some band-aids…  
Band-aids it was.  
Quickly, and as inconspicuous as she could, she applied two band-aids and checked the camera again.   
As long as she didn’t move her head too much it should cover the two sore spots perfectly.   
She sighed and leaned back into the seat.   
The bus turned a corner and Penny could already see Stark Tower in the distance.   
Her fingers traced over the band-aids.   
Why was she so ashamed? Why was she so obsessed with what the other people on the bus thought of her? They probably hadn’t spared her so much as a glance! Or a second thought.   
She rubbed her forehead and gritted her teeth.   
God, what had she been thinking? This had been a mistake. A complete and utter mistake.   
And yet...it didn’t feel like a mistake.   
She checked the monitor again.   
Eight minutes to go.  
God, where had the time gone?   
She shifted her weight uncomfortably in her seat and winced when she sat the wrong way for just a second.   
There was loud laughter behind her and she flinched.   
She turned her head, expecting the people laughing to be laughing at her, to point at her and make fun of her. Or worse, shame her.   
But it was nothing like that.   
One of the three boys her age was showing his mates something on his phone that made them roar with laughter. None of them even so much as glanced at her.   
She turned back, her wildly beating heart settling down somewhat.   
In doing so she caught the eye of the nun, who had also been startled by the loud laughter.   
She nodded at Penny but Penny could also see how her eyes flickered over her dress, her high heeled shoes and her overflowing purse.   
She turned back to her book without any discernible reaction and yet Penny thought she had seen her lips curl in disgust.   
_Stop it_ , the little voice said, _stop being so negative, nothing bad happened!_  
A mechanical voice echoed over the sound system.   
“Next Stop: Stark Industries North Side. Please mind the gap.”  
Already? Her stop was coming up already.   
Hastily Penny collected her stuff and tried to squeeze it all into her purse and then close it shut so it looked neater than it was.   
She was glad she had brought a long cardigan along to the match yesterday.   
The bus came to a stop and with her head held low and not looking at anyone, Penny jumped off and onto the sidewalk right in front of Stark Tower.   
A sick feeling gathered in the pit of her stomach. She really didn’t want to go up. But if she didn’t, Tony would notice soon.   
She should have lied, given herself more time to prepare herself.   
_God, what if they hate me now_ , she wondered.   
Not like she could change anything about this situation now but still…  
Feeling like she was walking towards her own execution, she entered the Tower.   
There were more people in here, who looked at her strangely and Penny felt her cheeks burn.   
She quickly swiped her card through the employee scanner and hurried towards the elevator.   
Luckily she got to use the private one, so she would run no risk of being stuck in an elevator with a stranger.   
“Penthouse FRIDAY.” she told the AI.   
_“Certainly Ms. Parker.”_ came the smooth answer.   
As the elevator rose upwards she studied herself in the mirror.  
She tucked at her ponytail and made sure the band-aids covered the hickeys.   
She shivered when the memory of her getting them overcame her.  
Stop it!  
The elevator came to a standstill and the door slid open.   
From where she stood she could hear the many voices clearly coming from the kitchen but she was still out of sight. Maybe she could make a run for her room and change into sweatpants or something.   
She was about to do it when Rhodey stepped out of the hallway next to her.   
he smiled when he saw her.   
“Hey Pen, glad to see you finally made it. That means Tony can finally take off the gauntlet he’s been using to protect your pancakes from Clint and Wanda.” he said cheerfully.   
Penny breathed out.   
He didn’t seem to notice. Good. That meant she looked okay.   
“What about his No-Weapons-at-the-table-rule?” she asked, putting down her purse.   
“Apparently he is exempt from that rule. But you should have seen Peppers face. He most definitely is not!”   
Penny actually managed to laugh a bit and followed Rhodey towards the kitchen.   
“Hey everyone, look what I found!” he said when they stepped through the opening.   
All heads on the extended table turned.   
A chorus of “Penny!” went up and she smiled, waving.   
“Hi peoples!” she said, making her way over to the remaining free spot between Tony and Wanda and opposite of Pepper.   
“Finally.” Tony moaned and pushed a plate of pancakes over to her. “Sit, eat. You must be hungry.”   
“Always hungry for pancakes, that’s for sure.” She agreed and slid into her seat.   
Her anxiety was almost like it had never existed in the first place.   
Nobody had noticed.   
“What’s with the band-aids kid? Did you cut yourself shaving?” Sam asked from where he sat next to Pepper.   
The anxiety was back.   
“What...no! Don’t be stupid.” she said with a nervous laughter.   
“I’m sure Tony will give you shaving lessons like the good dad he is.” Sam smirked.   
“Shut up.” she muttered.   
“Yeah Sam, shut up, you know Tony can’t teach the poor girl anything because he can’t grow a beard to save his life. That goatee is about the best he can do.” Clint chimed in. “If you want advice go ask Steve. Remember the beard he grew in exile?” he added.   
“Shut up.” Steve grumbled through a mouth full of bacon and eggs.   
“What, self-conscious about that obvious faux pas?” Clint teased.   
“Oh please, at least his beard was groomed, you looked like a wild animal while on house arrest.” Natasha shot back at him, sipping from her cup.   
Penny let out a small sigh, relieved that the attention had shifted away from her.   
But the uneasy feeling was back.   
Amidst the others fighting over who had the most glamorous facial hair, Steve or Thor, Tony leaned closer to Penny and asked: “So... how was last night? Was it good?”  
Penny froze in her seat yet again. The fork in her hand quivered, coming dangerously close to falling down.   
How did he know about last night?   
And why would he be asking her if it was good? Shouldn’t he be mad?  
“Wha....what do you mean?” she asked nervously.   
He frowned. “The game kiddo. You know? The big one you missed game night for? The reason you are late?”   
Relief flooded Penny for a second.   
“Oh, yes, the game, sorry, I’m still half asleep. Yeah, it was great! We finally won!”  
“Really? Not bad for a Nerd-School.”   
“Well, we played against a nerdier school.”  
“That is not possible, you don’t go there.”   
“What's good for a nerd school?” Rhodey asked.   
“Midtown won the game last night.” Tony said proudly as if Penny had something to do with their team's win.  
“Really, congratulations Penny.” Rhodey cheered.   
“Thanks.”   
“Then that means missing game night was at least worth it.” Steve agreed.   
Penny blushed. Oh, if they only knew...  
The end of their breakfast could not come quick enough.   
.  
She had to sit through another hour before their meal came to an end.   
When pepper volunteered to clear off the table, Penny offered to help while the others distributed the remaining chores among themselves.   
Once they were in the kitchen and out of sight and earshot of the others, Penny carefully tapped Pepper on the shoulder.   
The older woman turned around, surprised.   
“What is it Penny?” she asked, taking the plates Penny had been holding out of her hands and dumping them on the counter next to the sink.   
“Can... can I talk to you?” she asked hesitantly.   
“Of course, honey, always. What’s the matter?”   
Penny cringed slightly. “Not here. Can we...can we go to your office or somewhere else where we won’t be disturbed?”  
Pepper seemed surprised by her request but nodded. “Of course, sweetie. But...is everything alright?”   
That was the big question, wasn’t it?  
So Penny answered truthfully. “I... I really don’t know.”   
“Okay, sure, why don’t we just go now while they are all distracted anyway?” Pepper suggested.   
Penny nodded.   
Pepper gently steered her towards the elevator.   
“Where are you two sneaking off to?” asked Tony from behind.   
Penny swirled around, feeling caught.   
But Pepper stayed cool as ever.   
“Oh, Penny was asking if I had already approved this quarter's budgets for the R&D interns and I said yes but then I remembered I had left it on my desk so we’re going to fetch it.” she explained.   
“Oh, okay. Well, hurry back then. It’s Saturday after all, you shouldn’t be working.”   
“Look who’s talking.” Pepper shot back.  
Tony looked from her to Penny.   
“You good kid? You’re awfully quiet today.” he asked.  
“I’m fine Tony, just tired.”  
“Okay, fine. Why don’t you go lay down before we head out later?” he suggested.   
“I will. That's a good idea. Thanks.” she said with a weak smile.   
Tony's brow furrowed but he let it go.   
The elevator arrived and Penny stepped in after Pepper.   
The ride upstairs was silent but not too uncomfortable.   
The hallways were empty, as were of the executive offices.   
Pepper pushed open the door to her office and held it open for Penny.   
Pepper had a wonderfully comfortable couch in her office and that was where Penny immediately headed, curling up in one corner.   
Pepper walked over to her desk, putting down her phone and reached into the mini fridge. She pulled out two bottles of water and then joined her on the couch.   
She held out one bottle, which Penny willingly took but did not drink from.   
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Pepper asked.   
Penny hesitated, unsure how to start.   
Suddenly she felt stupid for making such a big deal out of it and clearly worrying Pepper.   
But then she took a deep breath and carefully removed the band aids from her neck.   
“Ahm...it has something to do with this.” she mumbled, rubbing the bruises on her neck slightly.   
Pepper stayed silent, letting her talk for now.   
“I... I lied about last night. And this morning. I... last night after the game, after we won...Ned and I went to this party just around the corner from the school. It was a sort of celebration party, a spontaneous thing and... We just danced and celebrated and had a good time and then...I sort of ended up making out with one of the upperclassmen.” she began.   
Pepper nodded. “And he gave you the hickeys?” she asked, calm and not at all judgemental.   
Penny nodded, heat rising in her cheeks.   
“This is nothing to be embarrassed about Penny. I can assure you everyone downstairs had a hickey or two in their lifetime and still get some from time to time.” She assured her.   
“It’s not the hickey that is the problem” Penny tried to explain, “It’s what came afterwards.” She stopped, unsure if she would continue.   
“What came afterwards?” Pepper asked, her words slow and careful.   
Penny stared at the bottle in her hands.   
“I... He and I...I hooked up with him.”  
“You mean you had…”  
“We had sex. Yes. He...asked me if I wanted to go over to his place and… we did. And we had sex.” Penny whispered, finally managing to say it.  
Pepper nodded and sat up straight, leaning towards her.   
“Alright. You had sex, for the first time I presume?”  
Penny nodded.   
“Was it consensual?” Pepper asked, real serious.   
Penny nodded.   
“Are you sure? He didn’t pressure you, right? Because that is not consent.”  
“No...no Pepper he was really nice about it. He asked me six different times and I said Yes each time. I wanted it. I really did.”  
“You did? Does that mean you...don’t feel the same about it anymore? Do you regret it?” Pepper asked her, putting a hand on her thigh.   
Penny hesitated.   
“No...yes. I mean...no, I wanted it, at the time and... God, Pepper I don’t know how to feel. It...it wasn’t at all what I expected.” she finally admitted, realizing that that was probably the root of her concern.   
“What do you mean?” Pepper asked, still so patient and non-judgemental.   
“It hurt.” Penny whispered meekly. “It hurt and...it was awkward and... I don’t know…”  
She huffed, annoyed with her own inability to speak clearly.   
“I’ve seen so many sex scenes on TV and in movies and read about sex in magazines and we talked about it in Sex Ed in school and... I know how it’s supposed to go. But when it happened...it was...I don’t know. There was a lot of fumbling and scooting around and awkward looks and... Pepper...I...I don’t really think I enjoyed it. And now...I kind of feel like I might have made a mistake by not doing it right and… not with someone special.” she admitted, frustrated and buried her head in her hands.   
Suddenly there was a cool hand on her chin and pepper gently lifted up her face so she had to look at her.   
“Oh Penny. What you are feeling is very normal, believe me. But also believe me that there is no ‘real’ right way to lose your virginity. Sure, for some it might make things easier and more comfortable doing it with someone they know, someone they even love. It can make things easier in the emotional department. But even they will have struggled with the mechanics of the act. Nobody does it right the first time around. Man or woman. And it's also completely natural that it might hurt the first few times. It can even hurt a bit after a hundred times. It depends on so many things. Preparation, lubrication, size and girth of the guy, pace and position… You can have sex for the millionth time with the same guy and it’ll still be different. You don’t have to worry about it. And you don’t have to worry about not liking it.”  
Pepper took her hand in her hands. “You know what they say. You got to try it to know if you don’t like it. And sometimes you have to try it a couple of times.”  
“I don’t really feel like trying again right now.” Penny whispered.   
“And that is totally fine as well. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”  
“I’m just afraid that...that I’m somehow broken!”  
“Because you didn’t enjoy your first-time having sex?”   
“Yes!”  
Pepper shook her head. “It’s very important that you listen to me Penny. You are not broken. Even if you decide to never have sex again. Sex doesn’t define you as a person. You are so much more than your genitals and what you do with them. Simple as that.”   
“It doesn’t feel that simple. What if Daveed now...expects me to do it again?” she asked.   
“Well then Daveed is an asshole. He can’t demand or expect anything from you. You are in charge of what happens to your body. If he approaches you again you can be honest and tell him that last time wasn’t that great for you. You can decide if you want to try again or if you’d rather wait a bit more. Either way, if he can’t respect that, then he’s not worth it anyway.”  
“That’s what I’m afraid of. That he wasn’t worth it. I know the concept of virginity is stupid outdated and sexist but...it’s still special to me. Not because I have values tied to it or anything but simply because it was the first time I had sex. That's still huge for me.”  
Pepper nodded.   
“I can understand that Penny. And maybe right now it might feel like a mistake because your experience was not great. I can understand if you have doubts. But I think in a few years you will look back on this as a valuable teaching lesson. Not in a bad way. Just simply as a lesson learned about life and everything that comes with it. You will have many more first times. With different people probably and each will be different and exciting and new and you will have more amazing experiences than bad ones.” Pepper said confidently.   
Penny chewed on her lip.   
“What if I don’t want to have sex at all, anymore?” she asked, her voice barely audible.   
Pepper nodded again.   
“That is fine too. Usually I would say ‘Try it before you make up your mind’ but this is something you will have to decide for yourself. But any choice you make, as long as it's you making that choice, will be the right one. And hey...you can always choose again. It’s about what you want.”  
“I don’t know what I want.” penny whispered.   
“That’s fine too. You are so young Penny. You have all the time in the world to find out what and who you want. If at all. Take your time.”  
Penny nodded.   
Pepper's words filled her with new confidence and she felt a whole lot better than she had on the bus this morning.   
“It’s just...this is all so new and... I didn’t know what to think or do and...thanks for listening. And helping.” she muttered.   
“Always Penny. I’m so happy you trusted me enough to come to me. I’m truly honoured.”  
Penny smiled and felt tears form in her eyes. God, what was wrong with her, she was such an emotional mess today.   
“You’re great Pepper, thanks.”  
“Any time. I mean it. If you need to talk about anything, you can always come to me.”  
Penny nodded. “I will. Thanks.”   
She opened the bottle and took a sip of the water.   
“Should...should I tell the others?” she asked hesitantly.   
Pepper smiled. “If you want to. But your sex-life is your own.”  
Penny snorted. “My sex-life doesn’t have a heartbeat.” she deadpanned.   
Then she got serious again. “Do I have to tell May?” she asked.   
Pepper shrugged. “Like I said, if you want too.”  
“It’s just...I love may. She is like my mother. She is the best person in the world and I trust her with my life. But...I feel like because she is like my mom… there are a few things I can’t talk with her about. Or at least that I don’t feel confident talking about with her.”   
“I understand. I talked with my older sister when I was your age. She was ten years older than me so she had experience but she wasn’t my mom and thus could give better advice in that regard.”   
“I feel a little guilty though. I have so many female friends who talk to their moms about everything. They have such a tight relationship.”  
“Just because you don’t feel like talking to May about having sex does not make your relationship with her any less strong or valid.” Pepper objected strongly. “Having someone to confide in when it comes to these kinds of matters is important. But who that person is, is not.”  
“I’m glad it’s you.” Penny whispered.   
Pepper leaned forward and enclosed her in a tight hug. “That means the world to me.” she whispered.   
Abruptly she pulled back and looked at Penny with wide eyes.   
“Oh my god, I completely forgot to ask! You two were safe, right?”   
Penny couldn’t help but laugh out loud.   
“Yes, Pepper we were very safe. We use a condom and all that.” she assured her.   
Pepper sighed in relief. “Good.”  
But then she added softer: “And... you’re not hurt, right? Sometimes sex can hurt if your vaginal canal is tighter than usual. That’s a medical thing then. Should we get you checked out?”   
Penny shook her head. “No Pepper. Thanks, but I think I didn’t even bleed at all. Another thing the media lies about. No...it was just uncomfortable. It got better a few minutes in but it was still strange. I don’t know. Maybe Daveed didn’t know what he was doing.”   
This time it was Pepper who laughed out loud.   
“Yes, that is actually a very likely thing. Maybe he too is still inexperienced. Did you talk to him at all about it?” she asked.   
Penny blushed.   
“No, not really. He fell asleep rather quickly after he was...finished and I did too and this morning I snuck out before he woke up.” she admitted.   
“Well that is one thing I can tell you for sure: Talk to your partners. Male, female or other. Talking is important. Talking about what you like and what not, how they should move and what you feel comfortable with and what not. It can be strange and maybe even embarrassing. But never forget that they might also be struggling or feel insecure. Talking about what you feel and expectations can clear the air and help both parties. I’m not saying you should go back and sleep with him again. Like I said, that is up to you. But if you decide to do just that...talk about it.”   
Penny nodded. “Yeah...I’ll think about it.”   
Pepper hugged her again.   
“Better?” She asked.   
“Much!” Penny assured her.   
“Awesome. Then why don’t we go downstairs and join the others for a movie and maybe a nap?”   
“Sounds good.”  
Penny got up, ready to go but Pepper held her back.   
“I know I said hickeys are a normal thing and I stand by that. But if you want, we can cover them again.” she reminded her. “If you are not ready, that’s fine too.”   
Penny hesitantly touched the two spots on her neck.   
“Do...do you think they will be angry?” she asked.   
“Why would they? What’s there to be mad about? You had sex. You consented, you used protection and, even though it wasn’t great, you are fine, right?”   
“Yes.”  
“Then it’s none of their business whatsoever. Sure, Tony will probably have a stroke and I assure you there will be some teasing. But at the end of it all, what you did Penny is a very natural and human thing and they might moan and groan but you are in a safe space here and we respect you. So, if they get mad...that is their problem. Not yours.”  
Penny looked at her admiringly.   
“You are the smarted person in the universe.” she declared.   
Pepper laughed.   
“I don’t know about the universe or even on this earth. But in this Tower? Definitely.” she said with a wink.   
Penny smiled and nodded.   
“I think...I’ll cover them for now. I’m not ready to have that conversation with Tony. Only last week he tried to convince me that joining a convent was the new ‘hip’ thing to do. I don’t think he’s ready just yet.” she decided.   
“Great decision” Pepper handed her two new band aids from a top desk drawer “Put these on and then let’s go.” she cheered and grabbed her phone and her keys from her desk.   
“Oh, and these so our cover story is believable.” She handed her a stack of forms.   
“You already got them approved? I handed them in a month ago!”  
Pepper shrugged. “What can I say, I’m just that good.”   
“You definitely are!” Penny agreed.   
.  
Tony still looked a bit concerned when they got back but when she snuggled herself between him and Thor on the couch and thrust her feet into Sam’s face, who leaned away with a disgusted look on his face, her relaxed visibly.   
“You two took ages. What did you do, planned out the entire fiscal year?” Tony asked when pepper sat down on his other side.   
“Sure Tony. That’s what girls always do when they spend time together.” Pepper snarked at him.   
Tony narrowed his eyes.   
“I can’t tell if you’re serious or not.” he said honestly.   
“And I will never tell you.” Pepper shot back, pecking him on the nose.


End file.
